Eros, Gardens, Lust

In the section of The Four loves Lewis describes a form of love, eros as “being in love or if you prefer, that kind of love which others are in.” From reading this section and the talks we had in class. I think that this is the most dangerous form of love, because it grabs us by the hand and leads us into situations without thinking.  Using the example of the senior scramble at Calvin I wonder how many of these relationships are healthy. Many times people see all of their friends getting married and they themselves want that  type of relationship that others have, so they try too hard to speed along a relationship by getting married early(over tending a garden). This is okay as long as they work at their marriage ,but often times when the eros wears off there isn’t anything left. In class the example was given of being given a garden, As someone who owns a garden (and hopes to get a MS degree in Botany) I can easy relate. There are always curtain plants in the garden that you “love” more than others, and there are plants that are picky and are almost more trouble than worth keeping them. However, each plant in its entirety makes the garden great. Also with the garden example we talked about what happens to an untended garden. Here is a personal story to illustrate the summer of my sophomore year I worked a ton, and didn’t have time to do the garden. Since the garden is kind of my thing, my family didn’t really mess with the garden at all. So by the end of the summer it was more like a weed garden than a vegetable one with the weeds being the majority of the plants overshadowing the vegetables. Same with our relationships, however not all divorces end because of one major weed in the relationship often times it’s a bunch of little ones that have deep roots that choke out the existing plants.

Another part of the section of eros that I found interesting was the difference Lewis gives between lust and eros. He says that when lust is the goal than it’s not really the woman a man is after.  Its only the service she can provide to him. Then he gives the example of throwing a cigarette pack away after using it. Its sad cause I know people like this who only continue relationships because it extends the service. To his girlfriend’s face he is the nicest person but behind her back he could really care less about her. This situation is complicated because she thinks her garden is beautiful but everyone else can see its weeds.

Finally I liked what was said about men being spiritual leaders of the household ,because I know in my house it’s not that way. I would like that f one day when I have a family if I could be their spiritual leader because that seems like a noble and worthwhile job.