Personal Pain

I thought that by reading the problems of Pain I would be better equip to understand my own pain in my life ,but C.S Lewis’s arguments only tinkers with different ideas of pain. So now I find myself roughly in the same place I was before reading it. I understand that in a fallen world, where there is sin the body will rot and nothing will last. However, I have learned through personal experience, it is also possible for the mind to be just as bad and this is the type of pain which I have struggled with. Since an early age I have struggled with depression and the immense pain and troubles that it has brought me.  I get that bad things happen, people die in wars, children starve, the world is a hostile place. But what I don’t understand is why some people get relief from their suffering while others are stuck in what seems like lifelong misery. I’ve tried very hard to understand depression and different methods of relief. Ive tried different combinations of every medication on the shelves and either the side effects are as bad as the depression or the medication makes it so, I am only able to function.  The hardest part is its all internal, which makes it hard to talk about, I almost skipped this blog and wrote something else here, because its normal to pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t and talking about personal suffering gets mixed responses.

In class today we talked a little about pain and Adriana said that to those who belong in Christ their pain is always for the glory of God. I really can’t see that to be true. Ive studied the book of Job, he was an honest man who lost everything and questioned God, Then God comes and asked Job who is he to question the things God has set in place. Then the book ends on a higher note because Job ends up getting more than he had before. I understand the story ,but If I were to go to Job while he was in his pain and say this is part of Gods will what would he say “oh thank you I feel better now” No  probably not. Telling someone who is suffering and doesn’t have much hope that this is part of Gods plan doesn’t make them feel better especially when they have prayed endlessly for either God to show his face or at least do something.

Ive talked to some of my closest friends about this, thinking that together we could figure something out. Someone brought up something that I thought was interesting. They brought up the idea that my suffering could be used later on in my life to help understand someone else’s suffering. I have no idea if this is true, I don’t think so though because I believe that it isn’t good to compare  peoples suffering because each person’s experience with pain is unique and it doesn’t help someone who is suffering to tell them you know what they are going through, because you really don’t.

To end this rant I just would like to say that everyone has a different amount of suffering in their lives at different times and the healthiest thing to do is talk about it with close friends, because even through this doesn’t take away pain and they can’t completely understand what you’re going through. It at least shares the pain between friends and makes it easier to handle.